I failed.

Yesterday was my 3 hour glucose test.  I had to do it last time and I passed with flying colors.  I wasn't nervous at all going into it since my 1 hour test results were so similar to my last pregnancy.  Since I thought it would be no big deal I was even more shocked and upset when I found out I failed today.  This means I have gestational diabetes. 

I'm all hormonal and crazy right now in general, ask Zach, but I cried the whole way home.  In the end is it that big of a deal - no.  Does it mean I have to change my diet - yes.  Are baby and I still okay right now - yes.  And that's all that really matters.  But I'm still upset.  I wanted a 'typical, easy' pregnancy.  I don't think that is possible.  My doctor assured me this is better to have than my crazy liver last time but I'm not thrilled.

I'm intimidated by the whole idea.  I've been second guessing everything I normally eat all night.  Since my appointment was so late in the day today I couldn't schedule my appointment with the dietitian.  Tomorrow my doctors office will call me and get me set up with an appointment and class to tell me what to do next.  From what I understand it will consist of a new diet and learning how to check my blood sugar 4 times a day.

One of my biggest fears is obviously hurting the baby and if I don't change things up then she could be a very large baby and that would lead to a c-section.  I really would like to deliver the baby like I did with Luke and am hoping to do everything I can to prevent a c-section.  I also had this crazy dream that I would get to hold the baby as soon as she was born since Luke was taken away immediately to get checked out.  I'm afraid that may be out of the question now too.  So yeah, I'm just sad.  I know its not the worst news ever but for some reason its really upsetting me.