Panic Attack

So Luke just threw out his paci.  It was our last one, like ever.

For the past year he has only been using his pacifier for naps and bedtime.  Then for the past 4 or 5 months he was only using it for naps and bed at home and was paci free at daycare.  We were down to two pacifiers in the house and right before we went to the shore he chewed one of them up and threw it in the garbage.  I have made sure he completely understands what happens to things we put in the trash, the trash truck takes them and we NEVER see them again.  Last time wasn't a huge deal because we still had one left.  Today he told me he bit his paci and needed to put it in the trash.  I looked at it and sure enough he had chewed a nasty spot in it.  So I reminded him we have no more pacifiers at all and if it goes in the trash you know what happens.  He quickly told me the trash truck takes it and I finished his sentence with it never comes back.  He seemed satisfied with this outcome and off to the kitchen he went.  I was secretly having a panic attack inside.

I followed him to the kitchen, he opened the trash drawer, looked at his paci and dropped it in.  Then he froze and just starred at it.  I reminded him I can't take it out, its trash now.  He looked some more then slowly closed the drawer.  I smiled at him on the outside, as to say Mommy is so proud of you, you're such a big boy and you'll do just fine without your paci.  In my mind though, it was like "OMG what are we going to do?!?! He's never going to sleep again, I love my sleep, he HAS to sleep.  There goes our mute button.  OMG, what just happened!" I know, I'm crazy.

So back to his room we went, he climbed into bed for a nap.  I say my little love yous, give him kisses, and close the door.  Then I go downstairs and tell Zach that its gone, forever!  We debate if we should take it out, but no we can't, the trash truck takes it and its gone forever, remember.  And I'm not wasting another dollar on pacis.  So thats it, its GONE!  I'm still silently freaking out, why you ask....he's been up in his room for 45 minutes and is still awake!!!!  No paci can't signify the end of sleep for me, can it?!?!  I've been waiting for this day forever but now that its here, and final.....AAAAAHHHHHHH!